Mentally Tired

Do you ever have those periods where you are just mentally beat? The past few months have done that to me. I just came back from the vet where I had to have my cat, Chichen, put to sleep. It still seems surreal.

He has been acting slightly funny for 3 or so days, but some of the funny was good funny. What I will now always remember was that for the past two nights, I woke up to find him sleeping next to me. He never would do that. He hasn't eaten for the last day and he started looking very dull and yellow. The vet thinks he had systemic cancer. He blood tests came back as several of his systems were failing. I didn't want him to suffer. It was absolutely horrible.

Between Regan's illness, Joel's judging me on all aspects of my life and just the general combativeness of the atmosphere, his lack of support when we didn't know if Regan was going to make it, Allison and Elizabeth no longer here, getting through the summer and worrying about money, and now Chichen being gone, I'm just mentally worn out.

I'm sorry for whining, it has just been an unexpectedly bad day. I just need to think of all my blessings....of which there are many. Regan did make it and is the biggest joy in my life. I have the best and most supportive family in the whole world. I have the love and companionship of my animals (Although, when I spent 20 minutes this morning running the neighborhood after Daisy, who hasn't gotten loose in a long time, I wasn't blessing her!!!!!! I thought I would have a coronary after running in and out of yards, up and down ditches, one yard had their sprinkler going full blast, just generally trying to keep her away from Surfside Blvd (busy road) !!!) Many other blessings, too many to count and that is a good thing.

Chichen was the best cat in the world. I worked at the vet's office and he was brought in as a stray kitten. He had been brought in by a woman who was scared her boyfriend was going to kill him. He was beaten and left on a pile of trash. I heard about him and went to the satellite office to take a peek. He was a white cat and then when he turned around, his entire tail was gray. I was hooked! I worked kennels that weekend and took him home when I went home. Poor thing was never sharp as a tack! I really do think the beatings caused a little brain damage. It took him several years to learn to jump. My other cat, Obie, used to have to clean him because he didn't know how. He also never meowed. I thought for the longest time he didn't know how! What he did have was the most wonderful personality. He was the nicest cat ----my Mute Man.