Today marks the 6 month anniversary of when Regan and I officially became a family. It seems to have flown by and yet, it seems as if she has been with us forever. As I look back to what these past six months have been like, it amazes me all that has happened and how happy we are. For over a year, I waited to be able to start the paperwork to adopt Regan. It then took 22 months from the start of the paperwork until I held Yunnie in my arms.
These past six months have been packed with all kinds of activities and emotions. I look back on the pictures of when we were in China and I actually miss being there. By the time it was time to go home, I was more than ready to come home. And now, I'm ready to go back! I can still smell the air outside of our hotel room (a smell I don't miss!) and remember all the neat cultures and great people we met.
The first week & 1/2 home was horrendous. No sleep, a terrified, grieving little baby, and jet lag! A little over two weeks after we got home, Regan began a week of in and out of the emergency room and doctor's office. We then spent 21 days in the hospital. A feeling I will never, ever forget is when Dr. Mon came out of surgery and told me he didn't know if Yunnie was going to make it through the night. I will never, ever forget the look on his face. I look at the scar on her side and I am so incredibly blessed to have my baby girl. Dr. Jones told me that the scar is puckering a little but that hopefully it will fade with time. I am actually glad she has that little scar. It is a reminder of how far we have come and how the outcome could have been such an absolute nightmare.
After 21 days in the hospital, we came home for one week, saw all kinds of specialists, had all kinds of tests done and ended back in the hospital for an overnight stay. Thank God, it was not a reoccurence and we were able to go home. I wonder if I"ll ever get over the sick feeling in my stomach everytime Regan has a small rash or blemish on her skin. I was terrified a couple of weeks ago when she ran a fever and I had to keep telling myself in my head, that babies are going to run fevers and it doesn't mean the awful infection is back. The silver lining in the hospital stay was that Regan and I bonded more than I ever could have thought possible. I remember looking at her as she laid in the ICU bed wondering if I would ever see her smile again. The first week in the hospital she had to hold my thumb whenever she was awake or she would be inconsolable. There was no doubt in either of our minds that we belonged to each other.
Three and 1/2 months after coming home, I went back to work and got a second job. My brother rearranged his entire work schedule so that he could stay home with Yunnie. My grandparents call often to ask about Regan or they come to visit to see their little Chinee. They talk about her all the time and feel blessed that she is our family. My mother has been amazing and I couldn't do it without her. Konnor loves his cousin so much, and it is wonderful to see the two of them interract. Regan returns his love 100%.
Regan is no longer the rashy, scratched up, bug bit, little girl who was put into my arms. She is no longer the baby who screamed and cried for hours, only slept 45 minutes at a time for no more than 3 or 4 hours in every 24 during those first two weeks. I look back at the struggle to get her to eat solid food. She would only drink scalding hot bottles. I wasn't able to put her down for weeks! I still use the backpack my mom bought me, but it is for recreation, not just so I can have two free hands and yet let Regan feel close to me! She is no longer terrified of clothing changes, teeth brushing, batheing, grass, dogs, having her hair brushed, or having her diaper changed. She loves to be kissed and snuggled and loved on and for that I am so blessed. She is a funny little girl who has such an amazing personality. She is also the most strong-willed child I have ever seen!
I think of her Chinese mom and dad and wonder about them. How blessed we are to live in a country that allows us to make our own choices as to the size of our family. The freedom of choices. I hope her mother and father have peace. It took me a long time to even begin to understand their decision to place Regan in an orphanage, but as you learn more and more about the Chinese government and their policies you do realize that they probably had no choice. I can not even begin to imagine their sacrifice. They are missing out on so much. Because of them, I have been given an amazing gift. To know that if Regan had stayed in China she probably would not be alive today humbles me. God's timing and planning is a wonderous thing. I know that I am being so sappy, but as I look back on the past six months there has been such a rollercoaster of emotions. I am in such a better place now then I was 6 months and 1 day ago.